My Grandmother Laura, looking pretty fabulous in the picture above, passed away last Monday. Over ten years ago she began exhibiting memory lapses due to Alzheimer's, and it didn't take long to completely affect her. The last time I heard her voice I was making prints in the university darkroom, and she sounded childlike though not unhappy or confused. We spoke for a moment, then I asked for my aunt again. Grandmother responded brightly and with energy in a sing-song voice, "Here she is! Here's another soul!" This comment struck me as perfect- she had not forgotten the human essence.
Because I did not have the chance to say good-bye, I wrote this letter through a cloud of messy tears.
Dear Grand Laura,
There is something in particular for which I owe you thanks. It is an afternoon, just you and me returning to your house after an ordinary errand in town. I'm not sure how old I was, but I think eight. In retrospect, I must have been like a sponge on every visit to you, soaking up nuances of experience and storing them to build a sense of myself in the world. You were intellectual and wordly, offering a little more information about becoming an adult than I could otherwise access. On this afternoon in your car, maybe the metallic orangey-brown Renault, you explained to me why you quit smoking. You were chewing gum at the moment, a thin stick of Extra. "Well," you said, "I realized I had to give up smoking so I could be around to see my grandchildren go to college and do great things." You looked at me casually but matter of factly for emphasis. Oh, I thought. College. Great things. There was no wavering in your manner. You simply stated what would happen, education and goals thereafter. No one else had previously mentioned this to me, it was your seed to plant. I accepted your confidence, and I decided to believe matter of factly in this future, too.
Undoubtedly you have shaped me in this way and many others. I am proud to have your name, to be from you and always of you.
Much love,
Laura
Monday, September 22, 2008
A Time to Say Thanks...
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2 comments:
Hi Laura - I was reading your blog and ran across this post about your grandma. I am so sorry for your loss. Your letter made me cry. Hugs to you. I hope to see you soon! LS
Dear Laura Carole, I appreciate this timeless tribute to my mother's spirit. It would have made her feel very loved and she would have felt much love and pride in knowing that her grandaughter would honor her so beautifully. Just like you are an artstar, she was a lifestar. I feel her shimmering around me. I was the last one see the strength of her beauty in person. But I know her family will always be well enveloped in her love.
Aunt Carole
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